The Dreaded Zone: Friend Zone

(sigh) He just doesn't get it. You guys are still friends. You tried being nice. You really wanted to put him down gently. So what now? Well, looks like you're going to have to book him a solo flight to the Friend Zone. According to the most reliable source in the world as we know it, Wikipedia, the Friend Zone is the "term describing a relation in which one partner wants to become intimate sexually while the other prefers to be just friends".  How do you get him there? Easy. All you have to do is make sure you treat him like a friend, nothing more or less.

You can start off by telling him about your issues. More specifically, tell him about your relationship issues. But here's the mistake most women make. They tell their male friends about only the BAD things in their relationships. The downfall with this, is that in the back of his mind, your male friend is taking mental notes. He's thinking to himself, "Yesss! This guy of hers is just giving me more ammo to use when it's time for me to make my move". So instead of telling your male friend about all the negatives, tell him about the positive things in your relationship.


Example:


She Says: "Guess what, DANNY, Michael just sent me flowers for no reason. He is sooo sweet and kind."

He Says: "Oh that's wonderful!"

He Thinks: "DAMMIT! I can't stand that guy and his stupid flowers!"

Point is, you don't want to feed into his romantic feelings for you. When someone likes you, a lot, they will hold on to any little positive thing you tell them that will help them justify and rationalize their feelings for you. I'm not advocating that you say or do things to hurt your friend. Instead, just say or do things to make sure he's not getting the wrong impression from your kindness.

Another thing to be mindful about is to make sure you avoid potential "date-like" situations. Do not stay over too late at his place or allow him to stay over late at your place. Avoid going out late at night and doing one-on-one activities that could be misconstrued as a date. Often times women may think "Well we're just hanging out", while he's thinking "This could be a date, and I'll show her how good it will be if she were my girlfriend". Remember, it's not about how you interpret the activity, but we're making sure that he doesn't get the wrong impression. Keep it nice and simple. You guys going to lunch is fine. If he recommends a movie, then offer to bring other friends along too. Group activities are one of his worse enemies. There's very little one-on-one time in group activities, and they usually discourage romantic feelings. (Avoid group activities with other couples for obvious reasons.)


Now believe it or not, there are guys out there who are immune to these strategies. I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.  Did you your jaw drop open in disbelief too? Well folks, have no fear, there is yet hope for that dopey in love friend of yours. Instead of the Friend Zone, you may have to roll up your sleeves and cast him down to the fiery pits of Hell...I mean...The Brother Zone.

Putting Him Down Gently

It's not his fault, he's a great guy. You love the friendship that you guys share. But, you just don't like him like that. Bless his little heart. So what do you say to let him down easy? Well there is no real "easy way", but there are a few ways you can go about it. But before we get into that, there's something most women need to understand about most men who are REALLY into you. Keep in mind, I'm talking about your male friends, not some guy you met at the club or bar.  Let's take this example to start with:

She says: "You know, I just think that I'd like to be single right now. "
He says: "Oh okay."
He's Thinking: "Oh right now?...that's cool...I'll just try again tomorrow."

She says: "I'm just not trying to date at the moment."
He says: "Oh okay."
He's Thinking: "She just doesn't want to date other people...that has NOTHING to do with me."

She says: "I enjoy spending time with you. You're real cool, a good person, but right now, I'm not interested in being anything more than friends."
He says: "Oh okay".
He's Thinking: "She thinks I'm cool and great!"

The main thing you have to realize is that they will hear what they want when it comes to getting a chance with you. Some believe that you have to be blunt and harsh when addressing men for them to get the point. However, as someone who has many female friends, (and as one who's been let down the right way) I can tell you that being harsh or blunt is not necessary. Due to the fact that women think differently than men do, you cannot tell a man something that you would accept if you were in his shoes. Women are more understanding to vague comments because they are more prone to reading between the lines compared to men, in my opinion. So when addressing this guy the only thing you need to remember is to be SPECIFIC. Not blunt... Not mean... just very specific so that there's no room for confusion. You do not want to give him any wiggle room. So let's take the example again with this in mind.

She says: You know, DANNY, I really value our friendship and I really would like to keep things the way they are. I do not want to mess up what we have, DANNY, and I know that if you're my friend, and if you care about our relationship, you'll respect that, DANNY.
He says: "Okay...."
He's Thinking: "Damn"

Notice there was no mention of "right now" or "for a while". This leaves him only to believe that what you're saying is now indefinite. By bringing up the issue of respect and saying "if you're my friend", you have now held him accountable for the feelings he claims he has for you. This puts him in a position to actually act on those feelings, without being a hypocrite. It's a dirty little trick, but it works in most cases. No one likes to be a hypocrite, especially when they dug their own grave from the very start.

Wait. You said what? He still can't take a hint? Seriously? Well, looks like we gotta put him in the Dreaded Friend Zone. (Enter Dramatic music)

Check out the following blog "Dreaded Zone: The Friend Zone"

MEN: The Do's, Don't's & STOP's of Facebook part 3 of 3

The STOP's 

STOP putting up pictures with your middle finger up. That's the most pointless picture anyone could ever put up. If you wanna stick it to all your "haters" then go up to the upper right hand corner of your page, Click on Account Settings, and click on Deactive your account so that they won't have anything to hate on anymore.

PLEASE STOP talking to women who are in relationships! Now it's one thing if you ask respectfully if they're still in a relationship. But stop bugging them if they are clearly in a relationship. You can easily lose some respect from them when you do this. And what's worse, women have friends...sometimes even cuter friends. Would you really want one girl to tell 5 other cute girls that you're a stalker?

Dora? Come on SON!

STOP posting bathroom pics with your shirt off. Unless you're a professional body builder, professional model, or fitness trainer, no one really cares about your body. Even if you're in shape and got a six pack, all that really shows is that the only thing you have to offer is a body and nothing more. Women have dudes throwing themselves at them EVERYDAY. What makes you think your body is any better then the next guy who's also got muscles?  Honestly if you want to impress women with your body, you kinda have to trick them with your clothes (refer back to the "Do's")  and show them that you have more to offer then just a body. Women secretly love mystery. Remember they like to use their imaginations.

If you haven't already, (Click here for The Do's, Don't, and STOP's: Ladies Edition)

MEN: The Do's, Don't's & STOP's of Facebook part 2 of 3

The Don't's 

DON'T post comments or status updates with bad language. Using the N-word and Mother F'n this or that...It's not a good look. Women don't like hearing that. Keep that between you and your boys. I'm not saying you gotta change who you are, I'm just saying that if you're wondering why girls are not responding to your advances the way you would like, this may be a reason why.

DON'T post pics of yourself smokin', being drunk, or of you hanging out looking like a bum. You don't want women to know you're a bum BEFORE you even get to talk to them. You're killing your own game right there. At least take a picture at your job so they know you have one.


DON'T stalk these women...openly. There's nothing wrong with being a far away admirer. DON'T go poking them, sending them random messages as if you know them, or adding them as a friend without talking to them first. If you want to get their attention then refer back to the "Do's" that I mentioned before.

Oh and DON'T brag about how big you are "down there". Most girls seriously don't care. Women love to use their imaginations. If you say you're big (7 inches)then  they'll imagine (9inches). So guess what?... now you're small to them. DON'T put yourself in that trap.

DON'T show off your money, cars or shoes. At this point you have to ask yourself, who exactly are you trying to impress? Women...or other guys? If it's women, unless you looking for a gold digger, they're not gonna care. Most women can take care of themselves, so things like that don't really impress them. This ain't the 90's and music videos are not always real. If you are trying to impress other guys...well... I guess everyone has their "preferences".



(Continue on to the STOP's for Men pt 3 of 3)

MEN: The Do's, Don't's & STOP's of Facebook part 1 of 3

Alright fellas,

Let's have a little chat. So you're surfin' on facebook, and you're lookin at your news feed and see that a cutie just changed her profile pic. So of course you're going to click on it. Then...WAIT! who is that in her friend list?!...(Click)...Well now we gotta go through her pics to see if she's the real deal or not. Okay so now what do you do or don't do to get her to notice you? Should you send her a message? Poke her? Hit the "Like" button? Well let's find out.

The Do's

Post up some information that she'll like to hear. Your religious views, what movies you like, and even what books you like to read. (You may have to actually read some books for that part.) Why is that important? It gives you personality without you even having to say anything. It helps create an image of you in her mind that can actually do some of the "work" for you.

Think before you post

Another thing is to post good quality status updates. Post intellectual comments or questions. Or if the "smart guy" isn't your thing then post something funny. Please make sure that it's something everyone will find funny too. If you're not funny or smart, post something spiritual. A lot of women love a God fearing or spiritual  man. Shows you at least have some type of solid foundation.

To complete the whole image, make sure you post a sensible picture of yourself. If you are the "funny guy" post up a funny picture that will make everyone laugh. If you're the "cool guy" then post a pic of yourself dressed in your club attire to show how well you can dress. Women love a well dressed man. If you're the "muscle guy" then wear clothes that HINT that you have muscles. There's actually another great picture to upgrade your image but unfortunately since some women are probably reading this as well, I'm not going to give away all of our ammo :)

Lastly, if you do talk to them, be nice. Introduce yourself since you probably don't know them. Ask questions about them that are not obvious. Look at their profile, see what their interests are. DO your homework! Once you have an idea of who she is, or what's she's about, actually try and get to know her. And take your time when you speak to them. You're not going to get to know her, online, in a day. Say hello here and there. Comment on her status updates. Let her get to know you indirectly before you try and make your move.

(Continue on to the DON'T's pt 2 of 3)

Ladies: The Do's, Don't's & STOP's of Facebook pt 3 of 3

The STOP IT's

Now here's my biggest gripe. STOP posting status updates about how single you are...Or how you would like to go out on a date...Or how you can't find any good men out there...OR how much you enjoy sex! I mean COME ON. These are all seriously desperate calls for help! And why are you puttin' all your business out there like that in the first place? Yes, I know there are other crazy things you all post like cursing other females out and stuff like that...but hopefully by now it should be common sense that you need to be aware of what you post because you never who is reading your information...like your job for example. Anyway back to the topic, in my observations I've noticed that this desperation may come from two different perspectives. You are either:

Couldn't buy attention if it were on sale

Gets more than enough attention

1.) desperate for attention because you're not getting enough of it already

<-----

or

2.) You're not getting any attention at all 

---->

This is "Everyone"

Now if you're okay with either one of these ideas, then hey, do you. I won't judge at all, but just STOP. From a man's perspective, you have now just lost a little bit of value in our eyes. When you do this, you're broadcasting to the world that you want to be chased. What's wrong with that you may ask? You'll have EVERYONE chasing you, which isn't as good of a thing as you may think at first. If you are going to be chased, wouldn't you want to be chased down by the "Mr Right's" and not the "Mr. I'll take whatever I can get"?

 It's all about the chase ladies. Guys love to chase. We love to "hunt". Keep us guessing. Playing hard to get,to a certain degree, really does work. If you make us work, then your value actually goes up in our minds. In other words, we start to respect you more so than before.

Last thing...STOP posting up pictures just so that you can get comments on them. We don't need to see EVERY single club picture. Matter of fact, STOP asking people to comment on your pics. Damn...can we say conceited?  We get it already. You're cute, or you have a nice body, or whatever asset you think is so hot that you have to broadcast it to the world. WE GET IT.

Wal-Mart?...Seriously? 

Sexy? Yes.  Needed? No!

(Fellas you are next: Click to Continue)

Ladies: The Do's, Don't's & STOP's of Facebook pt 2 of 3

 The Don't's 

If you are single, and you are actually "on the market", then DON'T post that you're single! Even if this is a true fact and you just want to let the world know, I'm telling you, there's no need to post it. I know what you're thinking, "I don't see what the big deal is. I really am single." It really isn't a "big deal", it's just something that can work to your advantage by not posting it. Remember that you can hide that relationship status. Guys will ask about your status if they're interested in you regardless.

Not showing your relationship status will create some mystery or intrigue about you. Guys will have to approach you differently. They'll actually have to think before they talk to you because they'll be treading into unknown territory. If you post that you're single, then in their minds they're gonna group you in the same category as every other single woman. And I'm sure that most of you ladies are probably already tired of how most guys approach single women. This will hopefully keep them on their toes. Often times it's hard to know what the opposite sex is thinking. So the other purpose of this blog is just to give you some insight in the mind of some men. So if you don't understand it. Cool. You can take my advice with a grain of salt if you wish. (Fellas may not like that I'm sharing this info with you all too). 

DON'T hide what you really look like. If you're a big girl, and trust me there is NOTHING wrong with some meat on your bones, then just embrace it and show it...tastefully of course. You are what you are. DON'T post pictures of your self from 3 years ago just because that's when you were a size 4 or whatever. You're lying to the world and well...to yourself to a certain extent. If a guy checks out your page, do you want him to fall for the girl of 3 years ago or the you of today? DON'T live a lie. Show full body pics, not just face pics. If you're beautiful on the inside then you're beautiful on the outside. That's not cliche'...it's just true. Guys can actually sense a woman's confidence. We're simple thinkers.The way you think about yourself will paint the picture for us. If you're confident, and carry yourself accordingly, then we'll see that. If you're insecure about your appearance and try to hide it, then we'll notice that too. Don't get what I'm talking about? Think about a guy you know who's bald. Would you pay more attention to his head if he showed off his baldness and didn't care, or if he wore a hat all day trying to hide it?

(Continue on for the "STOP'S" for Women part 3 of 3)