Do Men Really Create the Expectations on How Women Should Look?

Do men really put the pressure on women to get bigger breast, butts, longer hair, wear more makeup and be a size O? It's time to set the record straight for some ladies out there. I'm always hearing something about how men expect women to be bigger here, or smaller there. Women think that men have these high expectations for all women, but I'm here to tell you that you're sadly mistaken. Some women will drive themselves crazy about what they think and not what they know. Most men do not expect for all women to be like what the media portrays. We don't expect for all women to have breast implants, be a size 0, or have a body like Jessica Rabbit. Rather, it's women who create these expectations, place them on men, then embody these expectations, and get upset at men for having the expectations that they assumed in the first place. Catch all that?

Before you say I'm full of cow manure, yes, we would LIKE those things, but they are not a requirement. You've heard me say it before, and I'll say it again. Men are visual creatures. We like to look at things that grab our attention. But just because it grabs our attention does not make it a requirement. Don't believe me? Well just take a look around you.

How many times have you been approached by a man when you're leaving the house wearing some sweats? How many men do you know that are in a committed relationship with a woman who looks like a model? How many men do you see with a woman who made you think "Ewww, HE's with HER?!". If the thought was true that men really wanted women with bigger this or longer that, wouldn't you see more men settling down with those types of women? Men like to visualize and just fantasize about those things, but deep down we don't NEED them. They are just fantasies.

Most women assume that we want all women to look like those women in the media, but truth is, we just want women. Besides that, we want sex. Sex is not the only goal, but I won't lie and act like it's not a primary one. Our goal is to be with a woman, not to mold you into some exotic looking Barbie doll. Now of course if we are able to get that Barbie doll, we'll gladly accept, the same way women would gladly accept a man who's got those rippling muscles.

I find it troubling when I see some women look at these unrealistic standards of other women, see men admiring them, then automatically assume that we want our women to be the exact same. That way of thinking will lead to self-destructive behavior. I've seen some women starve themselves and workout till they collapse. Some women will even go out their way to spend money on unnecessary clothes, make up, and psychical enhancements. The biggest reason that comes to mind is insecurity. Maybe those women weren't told enough that they were beautiful when they were younger. Maybe they are not told they are beautiful enough by the person they are with now. Hard to say. But what I can say is that if you want our attention beyond just the physical:

-Be yourself.

-Respect yourself.

-Love yourself.

-Have your own style when it comes to hair and clothes.

-Be comfortable and confident in your own skin.

These simple things will make a man think "Holy Moley! There's just something about her. I really dig her style".

My overall point is that the women who hold this way of thinking have to stop pointing the finger at men and just learn to appreciate what they already have. One fact you can always bank on is that men do not value your hair, make up, and clothes the same way that you or other women do. Besides, if you ever come across a guy who's demands that you get your hair done, nails done, and look a certain way then A.) He better be paying for it... or B.) Ask yourself is that the type of superficial person you want to be with in the first place? Any man who puts that much emphasis and pressure on a woman clearly has his priorities screwed up. So men, please compliment your women to diffuse and prevent any of her insecurities. Ladies, do NOT allow someone else's perception of beauty to become your own reality. If for whatever reason this still does not make sense to you, remember this...If you focus all your time and energy into becoming our fantasy, you'll never become our reality.

The Importance of Respecting Women for Men

I had to write this to the men because I only wanted to be fair since I addressed the women about this issue about respect in "Men's Formula for Respecting Women". I'm not going to waste my time and say the cliche things like "respect a woman because that's someone's sister or mother". I think that's a given. I'm going to talk about the women that you don't know, or that you may want to get to know. I used to think that it wasn't fair for a woman to ignore my compliments or greetings especially if I approached them with sincere respect and courtesy. There'd be times when a simple greeting or compliment would be met with a side eye, a cold shoulder, or worse. How often have you heard of this scenario?

He says: "Hello, how are you doing today? That's a really nice outfit."

She says: (Nothing and ignores him)

He says: "Well forget you then!"

Of course there are many variations to that scenario, maybe even with a few "french words", but you get the picture. So what's the problem? As males, we look at a compliment or greeting as an invitation to simply get a bit more attention from an attractive female. What we forget is what our approaches mean to the women. A woman gets complimented or approached by a man on numerous occasions. What's the harm in a simple compliment? Nothing, on the surface, because for men it's usually an open invitation to get more attention. But for women it goes a bit deeper.

Think of men as fishermen, and women as the fish. Our bait is our polite greeting or a compliment. Now if a woman responds back, or "bites the hook", now we try to reel her in. However, what happens when a fish (a woman) doesn't want to bite or be reeled in? Usually a struggle occurs. If a woman is going to be caught, they don't want to be caught by just any fisherman who's just going to chop them up, fry them, eat them, and toss the bones. They want a fisherman who will be gentle with them, take a picture with them, and place them on a mantle that everyone can see. The choice is your ladies. (And yes, those are your only two options.)

Make your choice ladies :-)

For a woman, it's not that they don't appreciate the compliment, or the politeness. Trust me, they LOVE the attention. (Who doesn't?) But, they have the other obligation to protect themselves from the crazy, ignorant males that are out there. Ignorant men use polite compliments and greetings too, so in a sense they mess it up for all men. Women will naturally clump most of us all together, not to be prejudice, but to be safe. Honestly, I don't think we can blame them for that.

Whatever you do, don't be THAT guy. 

So, remember that women have to protect themselves because some men do pose a genuine threat. Don't get upset, or act ignorant if they reject your advances or approach. Despite the fact that it's not right for them to act ignorant in any situation, it is understandable. A woman's safety trumps her obligation to always match your polite advances.  The best thing we males can do is not to feed into that ignorance, or the negative stereotype that ignorant men create for all of us. Just remember one thing. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Men's Formula of Respect for Women

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I think that most women don't understand how men go about constructing the idea of respect towards women upon the first impression. Men are visual creatures, first and foremost. Often times what we see, or what is presented to us visually, will affect our judgment. (Yes, we judge, just like everyone else. Get over it.) Our judgment will in turn affect our perception of you. As a result, we tend to formulate our respect for women based on that perception. Let's try and think of it as a point system. Some reasons that may impact your "respect points" are:

Your Attire & Appearance

One is a "Working Girl" and one is a girl at a club.
Can you tell?... No? Join the club.

If a woman dresses like a "Lady of the night", she might be mistaken as one. Women have GREAT insight. They can spot another "loose woman" from mile away. So why act surprised when you dress just like them, and men view you similarly? As a man, if I don't want to be mistaken as a thug, I'm not going to wear baggy clothes and sag my pants. So if all the "fast" women in the world started wearing polka dots, and you start wearing polka dots, you don't think that you'll be viewed  similarly? That being said, the problem doesn't really lie in the clothes you wear. The problem lies with the small amount of harlots out there that wear those clothes and mess it up for the majority. Of course it's not right to be clumped together with those types of women, but it sure does make things confusing for men. If you still don't get it, refer to a wiser man than myself:

Your Actions & Behavior

Ever wonder why "actions speak louder than words"? It's because actions can been seen, even figuratively. If we simply say "Hello" and you automatically respond with a stink face (we think snobby), middle finger (we think bitchy), or rolling your eyes (we think conceited), you will lose respect points. Also, if you're the touchy-feely type...STOP IT! You're sending mixed signals if you're not interested in us romantically but yet you keep touching us. We take that as an open invitation even if you didn't intend it to be.

What can you do then if you're not interested if a guy approaches you?
-Keep your responses very short
-Say thank you
-Give LIMITED, to no eye contact
-Start to talk on your phone

If you ever feel as if you're not in safe situation, ignore him and walk away. Many men can be overly aggressive and ignorant with their approaches to women, but there is absolutely no reason as to why you should feed into it with even more ignorance. You may feel as though flipping him the bird, or throwing out some choice french words are appropriate, but that may only make your situation worse.

I think that everyone is entitled to basic respect, especially women (ie: You don't lay hands on them, you don't call them outside of their name, you don't speak down to them, etc) But, some women feel as if they are entitled to get respect just because they are a woman. Whether you are a man or woman, initial respect is something earned, not entitled. I think that people should respect individuals based on that individual's character and actions. As for a man's formula for respect: Your Visuals+ Your Actions + Your Behavior + Our Judgment + Perception = How much we respect you.

Check out the follow up blog where I talk to the men called "The Importance of Respecting Women for Men".