How to Escape the Friend Zone

Okay, so you're locked in the Friend Zone. Unfortunately you weren't lucky enough to avoid it. You really want to get out and let her know that you can be and want to be more than just friends. Well two things will have to factor in...your words and your actions.

Now when some men take the "Limited Availability" approach, it  may backfire because they fail to realize the key component. The keys to making this successful are timing and moderation. You don't want to be too unavailable because, trust me, she will make you an afterthought. If you're already in the Friend Zone, then you probably made yourself too available from the beginning. Also, you do not want to, all of a sudden, become unavailable. Remember that most women are detailed oriented. They tend to pick up on trends and focus on things deeper than most men would. So if you become unavailable too soon and/or too often, then they'll start to think "what's his problem?". 

Mr. Nice Guy                            Mr. Douche-Bag 

Some blogs recommend that you change up your demeanor. Other blogs would advise that if you were the "Mr. Nice Guy" you should turn into the "I don't care" or "Mr. Douche-Bag" kind of guy. I don't believe in these, "Light Switch" approaches. The Light Switch approach basically consists of you doing things one way or  the complete polar opposite. Rather, I would say take the "Dimmer Switch" approach.You want to make this all a gradual transition.  If you drastically go from the Nice Friend, to the Unavailable Single Guy, she may be quick to classify you as being "fake". (Which it would be, by the way.) And honestly at the end of the day, if you aren't that type of person in the first place, you really shouldn't have to compromise who you are just for the sake of another person. You should respect yourself enough where that isn't necessary. 

The last thing to help avoid and actually escape the Friend Zone is to actually open your mouth and communicate with her. Go ahead and tell her your feelings for her. Let her know that you love the friendship you have, but you would want more. I know the fear for most guys in these Zones is being rejected. You cannot continue living in this fear. Besides, if she rejects you then you can finally put an end to the living torture you're already going through. Not only that, but you can stop wasting your valuable time, and begin to focus your efforts on other women who would actually want to be with you. 

Now you may be asking, "What if I'm in the Brother Zone? How do I get out of that?". Well that's probably the easiest thing to answer: you can't..you're stuck...you're done...give it up...the dream is over! It's never gonna happen.

How to Avoid the Friend Zone

Alright fellas, this isn't something new. We've all heard about the Friend Zone and probably even the stupid Brother Zone. Despite popular belief there are ways for us to counter the tactics women use to place us in these dreaded zones of no return. So let's cover the basics on the strategies you should have in your play-book.

The very first thing to do, and the best approach, is to avoid the Friend Zone completely. When you meet that young lady, or even if you've already known her, do NOT fall into the line of thinking that if you are her friend then she will look at you as boyfriend material. Listening to her problems, is NOT a sure fire way of getting on her good side. Let her know that you're interested in her romantically. Drop some compliments on her personality and her appearance. Dress nicely and smell good around her. Remember that women want to have a clear distinction between their friends and their [potential] boyfriend. In a perfect world, women should want their best male friend to be their boyfriend. If they did, I believe that the amount of issues in relationships would decrease, but that's another discussion for another day. Like many other articles and blogs suggest, do not be her "shoulder to cry on" or her life sized diary.

Now you have to be careful about this approach because you do not want to give off the impression that you're just a heartless jerk only after one thing. But, if she insists on sharing or talking about her issues, simply address it briefly, and/or change the subject shortly afterwards.

Example:

She says: "I cannot believe Michael hasn't called me"
He says: "Hmmmmm...So how was your day today?"
She says: "It was cool, until Michael didn't call me."
He says: "Sorry to hear that. Well I was just calling to check up on you. I'm on my way to the gym, so I'll hit you up later."

See the key thing to understand is that even though you may be a nice guy, you do not want to be a push over. As you can you see in the example, I also pointed out another key point. Limited availability. You know the saying, "People always want what they can't have?" Well this rings very true for women in particular. A woman's interest may spike when she knows that you're always doing something. But be careful not to over do this either. And also be sure that the things that are making you unavailable are things that are valued by most women.

Valuable things may  include:
Studying for class (shows your intellect and responsibility)
Workout at the gym (shows you care about appearance)
Go out with friends (shows you're sociable)
Read books (shows intellect)
Hang out with another female. (shows your value to other women)


Now I may get flack for this, but who cares. Women want what other women have. Yup I said it. Okay let's be more specific. Women are attracted to what other women may have. Interest builds when a woman finds out that another woman finds you attractive or interesting. She begins to wonder, "Wait, did I miss something? Maybe I should re-evaluate him again".  Now if you mention the fact that you're hanging out with another female, be cool about it. Slide it into the conversation one day. Something to the effect of, "Hey I'll call you back later on, I'm about to go hang out with my friend, and she just pulled up." She'll pick up on that "she" part and it will definitely keep her wondering about who "she" is in the back of her mind. If she asks you who "she" is, just say "she's just a friend", and let her mind do all the work. Planting the seed ;-)

Okay so let's say that you're not in the lucky position of being able to avoid the Friend Zone completely. Let's just say you're already in it. Well check out How to Escape the Friend Zone. 

The Dreaded Zone: The Brother Zone

So let's say, for whatever reason, he STILL doesn't get it. Now it's time to play your trump card. Put that fella in the BROTHER ZONE!!! This is the worst possible zone any man could be in. It's far worse than the Friend Zone because at least in the friend zone there's a possibility of getting out of it. (We'll touch on that later)


WARNING: Ladies, please be advised that you should only use these guidelines and tactics only IF you do not EVER want to be with this male friend in a romantic way. Results may be long lasting and irreversible. Please proceed with caution. 

The key factor here is your conversations with him. You basically need to talk to him like he's one of your closest female friends. So you will have to talk to him about stuff you would only talk to another female about.

Example:

She Says: "Hey did you see that? He's got a great ass don't you think?"
He Says: "Huh???"
He Thinks: "Huhhh???"

Yes, that's right. Talk to him about other guys' appearance just like he was one of the girls. This may not be the most effective method, but what's important is the fact that through your comment, you're telling him that "I see you as someone I'm not romantically interested in, but yet I'm so comfortable with you that I can talk to you about anything." That will counter any other potential thoughts he may have tried to think of to justify that you may like him in the way he wants you to like him.

Remember in the Friend Zone Blog, I mentioned talking about telling him the good things that are going on in your relationship. Well, now we have to take a step further in the Brother Zone:

Example:
She Says: "Omg, DANNY, I am so sore from last night. Michael was an animal! Whew!"
He Says: "........."
He Thinks: "Ohh COME ON!!"

Most men do not want to ever hear about another man potentially being sexually superior. Hurts the ego. Men put a lot of stock into their sexual prowess when it comes to pursuing females...and when that gets threatened by another male, that can really make us think twice. Now, I do not advocate crushing another man's ego in this manner, unless absolutely necessary. So please use this with extreme caution.

Lastly, one of the most effective things to say and do to solidify this guy in the Brother Zone, is to just tell him honestly and directly.

Example:
She Says: Hey, Danny, I honestly love our friendship and I do not want to change that. So much so, that you're just like a brother to me. I really can't wait until you find another woman who will really make you happy. Hey, actually I think that I have the perfect girl for you too!

Notice the misdirection tactic involved in what was said. You want to deflect his romantic views of you and point them into the direction of other women. That way, again, he will get the message that your mind is not even remotely thinking about him in a romantic way.  At the same time, you also show him that you genuinely care for him by talking to him about other girls that may be better suited for him. This way he won't think that you're just a "big fat stinky head", (Danny's really immature) and instead you're really trying to be a real true friend.

So Ladies, I hope this helps in some way. If you still have a guy who doesn't understand any of the past tips I mentioned, then you probably want to just cut off all communication with him, and distance yourself from him. There's a very good chance that you have a stalker on your hands. Remember, restraining orders are your friend ;-)

And for those who were wondering, I do have a follow up blog to this for the fellas..."How to Avoid the Friend Zone"

Peace, Love, and God Bless.