The Dreaded Zone: Friend Zone

(sigh) He just doesn't get it. You guys are still friends. You tried being nice. You really wanted to put him down gently. So what now? Well, looks like you're going to have to book him a solo flight to the Friend Zone. According to the most reliable source in the world as we know it, Wikipedia, the Friend Zone is the "term describing a relation in which one partner wants to become intimate sexually while the other prefers to be just friends".  How do you get him there? Easy. All you have to do is make sure you treat him like a friend, nothing more or less.

You can start off by telling him about your issues. More specifically, tell him about your relationship issues. But here's the mistake most women make. They tell their male friends about only the BAD things in their relationships. The downfall with this, is that in the back of his mind, your male friend is taking mental notes. He's thinking to himself, "Yesss! This guy of hers is just giving me more ammo to use when it's time for me to make my move". So instead of telling your male friend about all the negatives, tell him about the positive things in your relationship.


Example:


She Says: "Guess what, DANNY, Michael just sent me flowers for no reason. He is sooo sweet and kind."

He Says: "Oh that's wonderful!"

He Thinks: "DAMMIT! I can't stand that guy and his stupid flowers!"

Point is, you don't want to feed into his romantic feelings for you. When someone likes you, a lot, they will hold on to any little positive thing you tell them that will help them justify and rationalize their feelings for you. I'm not advocating that you say or do things to hurt your friend. Instead, just say or do things to make sure he's not getting the wrong impression from your kindness.

Another thing to be mindful about is to make sure you avoid potential "date-like" situations. Do not stay over too late at his place or allow him to stay over late at your place. Avoid going out late at night and doing one-on-one activities that could be misconstrued as a date. Often times women may think "Well we're just hanging out", while he's thinking "This could be a date, and I'll show her how good it will be if she were my girlfriend". Remember, it's not about how you interpret the activity, but we're making sure that he doesn't get the wrong impression. Keep it nice and simple. You guys going to lunch is fine. If he recommends a movie, then offer to bring other friends along too. Group activities are one of his worse enemies. There's very little one-on-one time in group activities, and they usually discourage romantic feelings. (Avoid group activities with other couples for obvious reasons.)


Now believe it or not, there are guys out there who are immune to these strategies. I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.  Did you your jaw drop open in disbelief too? Well folks, have no fear, there is yet hope for that dopey in love friend of yours. Instead of the Friend Zone, you may have to roll up your sleeves and cast him down to the fiery pits of Hell...I mean...The Brother Zone.

Putting Him Down Gently

It's not his fault, he's a great guy. You love the friendship that you guys share. But, you just don't like him like that. Bless his little heart. So what do you say to let him down easy? Well there is no real "easy way", but there are a few ways you can go about it. But before we get into that, there's something most women need to understand about most men who are REALLY into you. Keep in mind, I'm talking about your male friends, not some guy you met at the club or bar.  Let's take this example to start with:

She says: "You know, I just think that I'd like to be single right now. "
He says: "Oh okay."
He's Thinking: "Oh right now?...that's cool...I'll just try again tomorrow."

She says: "I'm just not trying to date at the moment."
He says: "Oh okay."
He's Thinking: "She just doesn't want to date other people...that has NOTHING to do with me."

She says: "I enjoy spending time with you. You're real cool, a good person, but right now, I'm not interested in being anything more than friends."
He says: "Oh okay".
He's Thinking: "She thinks I'm cool and great!"

The main thing you have to realize is that they will hear what they want when it comes to getting a chance with you. Some believe that you have to be blunt and harsh when addressing men for them to get the point. However, as someone who has many female friends, (and as one who's been let down the right way) I can tell you that being harsh or blunt is not necessary. Due to the fact that women think differently than men do, you cannot tell a man something that you would accept if you were in his shoes. Women are more understanding to vague comments because they are more prone to reading between the lines compared to men, in my opinion. So when addressing this guy the only thing you need to remember is to be SPECIFIC. Not blunt... Not mean... just very specific so that there's no room for confusion. You do not want to give him any wiggle room. So let's take the example again with this in mind.

She says: You know, DANNY, I really value our friendship and I really would like to keep things the way they are. I do not want to mess up what we have, DANNY, and I know that if you're my friend, and if you care about our relationship, you'll respect that, DANNY.
He says: "Okay...."
He's Thinking: "Damn"

Notice there was no mention of "right now" or "for a while". This leaves him only to believe that what you're saying is now indefinite. By bringing up the issue of respect and saying "if you're my friend", you have now held him accountable for the feelings he claims he has for you. This puts him in a position to actually act on those feelings, without being a hypocrite. It's a dirty little trick, but it works in most cases. No one likes to be a hypocrite, especially when they dug their own grave from the very start.

Wait. You said what? He still can't take a hint? Seriously? Well, looks like we gotta put him in the Dreaded Friend Zone. (Enter Dramatic music)

Check out the following blog "Dreaded Zone: The Friend Zone"