The Art of The Chase

When it comes to the dating game, and yes it is a game, at some point we're either going to be the chaser or the chasee. However, it seems as though some people just don't really understand the basics of this game. One thing to understand is that EVERYONE loves the chase. Why? Because everyone loves and wants attention to some level. It's a basic human need. Women especially love the chase by the way. But things get complicated when people either don't know the kinds of games or how to go about playing them. So let's go over some basics...

Persistence vs Harassment: 

For the chasers, who typically are men, the problem usually is that they don't know the difference between persistence and just plain harassment. I think that some men have the idea that if they are to chase a woman, they are supposed to just keep at it until they "win her over". The problem with that way of thinking is that it does not account for the possibility of the woman just not being interested in them at all. So what ends up happening is the chase is pretty one sided, and only favored by one party. 

From the illustration, this is clearly an unwanted chase, that probably won't end favorably. The key to any successful chase is to first learn the rules of the game from the players involved. The trick is that the rules will change depending on the player. Since that isn't always the easiest thing to do, the best advice I could give would be to simply LISTEN. Some people play by various "rules" so always be observant and do not just assume or follow the "Le Pew Approach".

Example  of "Le Pew Approach" :

Pepe: Hey Kitty, would you like to go see that new movie coming out this Friday? 

Kitty: I'm sorry, but I've got plans. 

Pepe: Oh okay, well can I get your number? Are you on Facebook? Can we be friends? 

Kitty: Ummm...Maybe next time. I've got to go.

Regardless of whether Kitty genuinely had plans or not, Pepe should not just assume that Kitty is still interested. Often times people will let others down gently if they're not interested, so we have to take them for their word. Now if let's say Kitty was interested, and actually did have plans, then it's time to take a different approach. Play Tag! 

The Game of "Tag":

The dating game should be like a game of tag. All you have to do is show some interest in the person you want to "play with". ( insert snickering here)  When you give them the hint that you're interested, and they've returned it, you both have basically said "Tag you're it!". Just like in Tag, the other person is supposed to come after you and "tag you back" so to speak. Maybe their "tag" is continued conversation, some flirtation, a phone call, text, IM, or a follow up to your previous request to go out. (tags will vary) Now if they don't "tag" you back, then you should find another "playmate". 

Example:

Joe: Hey Nicole, would you like to go see that new movie coming out this Friday?  (The Tag)

Nicole: I'm sorry, but I've got plans. 

Joe: Okay, that's cool. Well enjoy your weekend.

*a couple days go by...*

Joe: Hey Nicole, how have you been doing?

Nicole: I've been alright. Sorry I missed the movie last week. Is it still playing this week? (The returned Tag)

Beating the game of "Hard to Get": 

This is probably one of the toughest games to play because it causes the most confusion with the mixed signals that are involved. However, there is a way to come out on top! The way to win out is simply...NOT to play at all. I say this only because it's better to assume they are NOT playing hard to get, because you could run the risk of really harassing someone if you assume they are playing Hard to Get. The benefit of NOT playing into the "Hard to Get" game is that you actually introduce the possibility of changing the rules according to your liking. You could even possibly force the other person's hand by making them chase you. That is, if they are interested in you of course.

All games have rules, and the dating game is no exception. Some games are better not to be played at all compared to others. Either way, the basic thing to remember is to be observant of the other "player" involved and what game or rules they're playing. Make sure their game gels with your own. If it doesn't, then move on. At the end of the day, it's not about winning...it's all about having fun....right??? 

The Importance of Respecting Women for Men

I had to write this to the men because I only wanted to be fair since I addressed the women about this issue about respect in "Men's Formula for Respecting Women". I'm not going to waste my time and say the cliche things like "respect a woman because that's someone's sister or mother". I think that's a given. I'm going to talk about the women that you don't know, or that you may want to get to know. I used to think that it wasn't fair for a woman to ignore my compliments or greetings especially if I approached them with sincere respect and courtesy. There'd be times when a simple greeting or compliment would be met with a side eye, a cold shoulder, or worse. How often have you heard of this scenario?

He says: "Hello, how are you doing today? That's a really nice outfit."

She says: (Nothing and ignores him)

He says: "Well forget you then!"

Of course there are many variations to that scenario, maybe even with a few "french words", but you get the picture. So what's the problem? As males, we look at a compliment or greeting as an invitation to simply get a bit more attention from an attractive female. What we forget is what our approaches mean to the women. A woman gets complimented or approached by a man on numerous occasions. What's the harm in a simple compliment? Nothing, on the surface, because for men it's usually an open invitation to get more attention. But for women it goes a bit deeper.

Think of men as fishermen, and women as the fish. Our bait is our polite greeting or a compliment. Now if a woman responds back, or "bites the hook", now we try to reel her in. However, what happens when a fish (a woman) doesn't want to bite or be reeled in? Usually a struggle occurs. If a woman is going to be caught, they don't want to be caught by just any fisherman who's just going to chop them up, fry them, eat them, and toss the bones. They want a fisherman who will be gentle with them, take a picture with them, and place them on a mantle that everyone can see. The choice is your ladies. (And yes, those are your only two options.)

Make your choice ladies :-)

For a woman, it's not that they don't appreciate the compliment, or the politeness. Trust me, they LOVE the attention. (Who doesn't?) But, they have the other obligation to protect themselves from the crazy, ignorant males that are out there. Ignorant men use polite compliments and greetings too, so in a sense they mess it up for all men. Women will naturally clump most of us all together, not to be prejudice, but to be safe. Honestly, I don't think we can blame them for that.

Whatever you do, don't be THAT guy. 

So, remember that women have to protect themselves because some men do pose a genuine threat. Don't get upset, or act ignorant if they reject your advances or approach. Despite the fact that it's not right for them to act ignorant in any situation, it is understandable. A woman's safety trumps her obligation to always match your polite advances.  The best thing we males can do is not to feed into that ignorance, or the negative stereotype that ignorant men create for all of us. Just remember one thing. There are plenty of fish in the sea.